Brain Stew

I think about a lot of things.

My brain overflows with ideas like some kind of medieval cauldron, bubbling up with an oozing green froth until it spills over the sides and crackles in the fire like some kind of terrible metaphor.

I think a lot.

The problem is, I do a lot of my thinking at night, before I go to sleep – instead of before I’m about to go and make a really terrible split-second decision. I used to explain my behaviour by saying that I’m a thoughtless person, or that I don’t think – but both of those things aren’t true. I just don’t think at the right times.

So most of my thinking is re-routed to those exhausted minutes before I fall asleep – exhausted minutes that become exhausted hours as the thoughts swirl around and around in my brainpan.

I stew and stir and stir and stew, adding in more ingredients and examples of my failures. Some of them gave been aged to perfection, some variations on old favorites, and still others are fresh screw-ups.

I’m a master at creating the ultimate brain stew. I’m constantly improvising and creating new dishes, but there are a couple classics that I can’t help brewing up every now and then.

But in the dead of the night, after I’ve finally been emptied of my thoughts and emotions, I sit back and listen as God whispers his truth to me.

Maybe I keep going through these circumstances for a reason.

Maybe God is trying to teach me something.

I’m really, truly, incredibly human. I mess up – a lot. But maybe God is trying to wake me up to my humanity so that I’ll learn to be really, truly, incredibly dependent on Him.

Maybe God wants me to understand that so I’ll be dependent on Him not just for salvation and miracles, but for strength, for wisdom, for self-control.

For everything that I lack, there is God.

He wants to be my everything. He wants me to give Him all my thoughts and desires – to rip up my recipes and hand in the apron.

And.. I think I can handle that.

What about you? What are some of your favourite Brain Stews?

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