Part of a series of ongoing reflections for small group.
Today was many things.
Today was stress and failure and realizing that I was not as prepared as I would have liked to have been for this whole college-y thing.
Today was trial and error and error and error.
Much of this week has been discovering ways that I am not sufficient to do things on my own. I can’t lead a small group on my own wisdom or drive. I can’t do the Christian walk on my own strength. I can’t plan my time or force things to happen at the time that is convenient for me or develop character at my own pace or anything.
But I’m not alone. And I’m loved. And I’m cherished in this moment, right now. From my humidity-frizzy head to my road-weay feet. Cherished all over the place.
Jesus, Kinder Kidz. I didn’t know at the time of writing this script that you would have these words spoken to me – that you love me and thatwhile you are excited for the next stage of my development, you enjoy me and you want me to enjoy the phase that I am in right now – to soak up the experiences and lean into the growing pain and breath deep these moments, these little wonders.
And I am so in love with your creation. You wired me for worship and I exult in your creation. I’m thrilled by the colours and every time I think back to the way that I would long for a New England fall – every time I think back and realize that you know the desires of my heart and brought me to a place where my heart would delight in you – every time I breathe in the sweet wildness of fall and watch golden leaves adrift on the wind –
I am thankful. I can let go of my need to control in light of my creator who knows what stirs my heart. You know what I want and what is best for me. And you will bring everything about in its fullness. And you don’t forget about those secret desires and longings, even when I have locked them away and forgotten them.