Wanting; Needing; Learning

Not very well-organized thoughts today.

I think it’s interesting that in the three-odd weeks since I started attending a small group that my spiritual gifts are being revealed to me by profoundly unspiritual sources.

I’m learning that my heart motivations and giftings lie in a desire to help people, in empathy and mercy and teaching. I come alive when my ability meets the need of another.

I’m learning that I have been avoiding facebook because scrolling through my timeline makes me feel like I am making no difference or impact for God.

I’m learning how good it feels to be genuinely wanted, valued. To provide some physical and tangible service to another person or ministry.

I’m learning how painful it is to be forgotten.

Some days I feel like a wrung out sponge left to get all crusty on the counter behind the dish soap. Too much squeezed out and not enough flowing in.

a n d   y e t  .

{ i need you now, Lord. }


Repetition with Variation

One thing that stuck with me from my extensive semester of photography class in high school is a little technique called Repetition with Variation. Image given: sixteen nearly identical apples arranged on a table, photo captured from above. Fifteen of the apples are green. One apple off to the side is bright red.

It’s such a subtle difference if you think about it. But the one difference – the hue- instantly draws the eye. The stark contrast causes the image of the photo to impress the beauty of the apples that much deeper into the mind.

It’s just a picture of some apples, yet both the image and the principle it reflects seem to stick with me.

Like the title of this blog. This oft neglected blog which seems to almost stand testamount to my inability to commit. <<internal monologue: Frickin’ dangit.>>

But though time has passed, though the message has been repeated so many times as to fade into the same uniform greenish hue of the apples, the simple contrast of a new situation throws the message into new light. And I am once again humbled by the beauty, the majesty, of grace.

That leads me home.

Once more.

They say it takes two weeks to start a habit and they also say that the best things are started on specific, important dates. Like New Years resolutions. But I don’t want to wait to make a change. The future isn’t determined by the past, but by the present. And presently, I choose to do something different.

So let this post, which comes not at the beginning of the year but the end; not at the start of an adventure but in the midst of daily life; not at the 1 but at the 14; be a new beginning as I attempt to write at least 300 words a night for the next month.

Odd number. Odd timing. Odd person.

Let’s let the variation throw the whole image into new light. And let this month be a new appreciation of beauty and simplicity.

And grace. Can’t forget about that one.